Pimento: Pollard now suspected as source of Katrina storm surge

IsraelInsider - Shakran Shakran - November 19, 2006

(Satire - see the original release: Latest FBI Accusation as Pollard Begins 22nd Year in Prison:"Pollard Responsible for Katrina Surge Damage")

Shakran Shakran is a special correspondent on metereological conspiracies.

As Jonathan Pollard Tuesday marks the end of his 21st year in prison and begins year 22 of a life sentence for his service to Israel, startling revelations continue to flood the media.

US senior intelligence sources today revealed to Israel TV Channel 10 reporter Gil Tandoori the latest and most stunning accusation against Pollard. According to these sources, Pollard continues to do damage to the US weather system even as he languishes in a federal prison cell in Butner, North Carolina.

These sources, who are so secret that even they don't know who they are, have consented to go public in yet another new book to be written by their colleague, "retired" intelligence officer, Ron Pimento. The new book will identify Pollard as the man single-handedly responsible for the sudden surge in last years' hurricane storm, Katrina, which caused billions of dollars in devastation along much of the north-central Gulf Coast of the United States.

Pimento's top secret sources have proof that Pollard was able to manipulate the course and intensity of the storm with tools that he fashioned out of an old toothbrush, a worn-out pair of flip-flops and a wishbone left-over from a dehydrated Kosher chicken dinner purchased in the prison cantina.

Pimento declared: "The insidiousness of this man can scarcely be believed! In my next book, I will expose Pollard as an undercover Shaman uncannily able to manipulate entire weather systems, making him a menace not only to the United States but to the entire solar system! If he can ravage the entire Gulf Coast with his bare hands from a prison cell, there is no telling the kind of damage he is capable of if he ever gets a chance to set his mystic skills to work on the Temple Mount in Israel!"

Pimento added, "Some say that Poltergeists predate Pollard, but my people produce proof that no Poltergeists were proximate to the Potomac prior to Pollard's prevarication, prosecution and prison break."

Reminded that Pollard had not broken out of prison, Pimento insisted: "Not yet. But don't you think a poltergeist who can blow a hurricane into the Gulf of Mexico can't blow through some some prison walls? He's just waiting for the right moment. Maybe next hurricane season."

Asked to comment on this latest meteorological accusation against the Israeli agent, the Prime Minister's office said in a statement: "Pollard acted alone, what do you want from us? We don't control the weather. He does!" and angrily hung up.